Jesus is coming, HIDE THE EGGS!

Easter means so many different things to different people.

To true Christians, it’s a celebration of when Jesus rose from the grave.

To Muslims, Easter means nothing,  because they do not believe Jesus was the son of God.

Jews believe something along the same lines.

Personally, I hate Easter. And Christmas. But I really hate Easter.

To me, Easter means death.

I hate Easter because it has become such a twisted, warped, corporate holiday.

Easter means massive amounts of sugar, chocolate, marshmallow. Easter means bunnies. And chickens. And hiding eggs.

Easter means a cashier will stand behind a counter ten minutes past closing, waiting for you to decide which Cadbury egg you really want to put in a basket, after she’s worked non stop for seven hours.

Easter means crazy shoppers. Easter means rage over a 12 cent difference on a piece of chocolate.

Easter means throwing gummy worms at unsuspecting cashiers, who despite their best efforts, cannot always give you exactly what you want.

It means being told you’re stupid, useless, and worthless, all because someone didn’t get a 20 cent discount on a wicker basket.

Easter is still a sacred holiday, but for all the wrong reasons.

Most people don’t know the origins of Easter, or that the Easter bunny and the eggs are all Pagan in basis and have nothing to do with Jesus.

So, all of these Christians are buying baskets filled with chocolate and pretending a bunny left them, after he hid all of your eggs.

Which brings me to my second point.

Bunnies do not lay eggs. Bunnies do not hide eggs. The egg is actually symbolic of  spring, depending on which branch of neopaganism you ask.

How the hell did someone decide bunnies and chicken eggs belonged together?  And that we should hide them?

What a novel idea.

The logic behind that one escapes me.

To me Easter means “Jesus died, lets eat chocolate that a rogue bunny left in a basket by my bed last night. Oh shit, Jesus is coming back! Thank goodness that rouge bunny hid all of our eggs, because we would hate for Jesus to get them. Oh, by the way, did you go throw gummy worms at that adorable cashier? No? Well, lets do that. It seems like a good idea to demoralize and humiliate some unsuspecting, well meaning person. I mean, after all, what would Jesus do?”

What would Jesus do?

I’m fairly certain Jesus would shake his head at society. Jesus would tell you gently, but firmly, that Easter is not a time to load up on sugar. It is not a time to hide eggs. It is a time to worship what you believe, as a Christian, and to renew your faith.  Jesus would tell you to stop worshiping false idols, and to be rid of Pagan influences.

As someone who is not particularly religious, I see this sort of hypocrisy as the worst. I don’t subscribe to any particular ‘branch of Christianity’. I don’t go to church. I haven’t read the Bible in a very long time. Yet, I still have enough sense to know what is right from wrong, according to Christians.

So, when you stuff that chocolate covered marshmallow bunny into your mouth tomorrow morning, think about what Easter means to you, whether it be an excuse to stuff your face, or an actual celebration of the resurrection  of Christ.

I don’t care if you use it as an excuse to eat candy, because Easter may not mean anything to you if you don’t believe in Jesus, and that’s fine. However, Christians should know better than to worship false idols. If Easter means Jesus has risen, it does not mean hide the eggs.