I have decided that once you turn 18 everything in your life will be turned upside down and go to shit. I have also decided that most people make their livings shoveling shit.
I feel like a shit shoveler.
I’m the sort of person that likes to compartmentalize different aspects of my life. Work, school, jobs, relationships, all of that has it’s own little spot to hide and live in.
Except for now everything has decided to become like spaghetti and be so wound up and intertwined that I can’t begin to make out where one thing starts and another thing ends. It’s quite frustrating.
School is dependent on living situations which is dependent on jobs. Relationships are floating around in all of this somewhere.
If I don’t get another job, I won’t be able to afford to live. If I can’t live, I will die. If I don’t have stability, there is no way in hell I’m going to be able to put myself through college.
In six months, I can either move to another state with my parents, or stay here and go to the college I’ve been accepted into. If I don’t go, I’ll have to work two jobs for a long time to become stable and go to school.
It’s now come down to whether I want to struggle very hard and be miserable, but independent and in school, or if I want to go to Alabama and have things easy and not go to school.
I mean, it’s really not a hard choice. No school is not an option.
Which leaves me with six months to save up enough money to venture out on my own. It also leaves me with no family here to speak of, and probably a good bit of charity from people.
It’s frustrating. And terrifying.
And truly irritating.
But everything worth having is worth working for, it seems.
And relationships.
Fuck them to hell and back. I’m just about sick of putting all of my effort into them, only to have them end explosively and horribly. Maybe it’s just me. I mean, I am the common denominator in all of these equations. But regardless of whether it’s me or them, its just about all I can take to have to deal with all of the other bullshit in my life plus relationship garbage.
I felt it was time for an update, is all. I don’t really blog much anymore simply because it’s the same old shit you’ve all read before, or I don’t have time.
But, I can tell you that in the next year, a lot will happen, a lot will be different. Tears will be shed, laughs had, experiences gained, wisdom will abound.
I can also tell you that if I don’t quit running into ex boyfriends at my local Starbucks and second home, I might just line them all up and pick them off with a rifle, one by one.
And, money will make your hair turn grey faster than time.
AND, I have decided that everything in the future will run off of love and friendship, that way I don’t have to worry about this money shit, and I’ll be set for life.
Alas, hello reality. How are you today? Oh, well thats nice. I’m drowning alive over here. You planned it that way? Well, now it make sense.
