There’s always cracks
Crack of sunlight
Crack in the mirror on your lips
It’s the moment of a sunset Friday
When our conversations twist
It’s the fifth day of ice on a new tattoo
But the ice should be on our heads
We only spun the web to catch ourselves
So we weren’t left for dead
And I was never looking for approval from anyone but you
And though this journey is over I’ll go back if you ask me to
I’m not dead just floating
Right between the ink of your tattoo
In the belly of the beast we turned into
I’m not scared just changing
Right beyond the cigarette and the devilish smile
You’re my crack of sunlight
You can do the math a thousand ways but you can’t erase the facts
That others come and others go but you always come back
I’m a winter flower underground always thirsty for summer rain
And just like the change of seasons
I know you’ll be back again
I’m not dead just floating
I’m not scared just changing
Relationships are a two way street. They are not the sort of thing where one person does all the work and the other person just floats along on the bliss of being taken care of.
You work as partners, supporting and approving of each other. I mean, that’s one of the main reasons you get involved in relationships to begin with.
So, please forgive me when I get upset because you can’t handle not being the end all be all caretaker man thing.
About a month ago, I tripped and fell in love. It was approximately an eight story fall, but I wasn’t worried about it because I knew there would be arms at the bottom to catch me.
At least, that’s what I was told.
Now I’m all splattered on the concrete.
I can’t quite fathom how someone who is going through so much shit in their life would try and get rid of something that was solid and good, how you can just wake up one day and not need love.
Sometimes when people lose control of situations, they freak out. Other times people calmly try to regain their composure, dust the dirt off, and keep moving on.
Some people just can’t handle not being in control of every aspect of their lives, so when shit hits the fan and everything else falls to pieces they exercise control over the only things they can.
For example: Living situations, jobs, futures, ect. are all up in the air, perched precariously. Everything you’ve worked for, all the stability you’ve struggled so hard for is gone. You have nothing but the broken bits scattered around you. The only solid thing you have left is your relationship. So, to remind yourself that you’re actually in control of some aspect of your life, you make a decision to cut it off.
Because sometimes when you can’t make a move with anything, you need to make ‘solid’ decisions to place the power to control your life back in your hands.
So, in that aspect, I can understand it.
What if. I hate that phrase. You can what if everything until you die. What if this happens?! What if that happens?! What if the sky turns to fire and your nose falls off?
Well, IF that happens, it happens and there is not a damn thing you can do to change it.
If you let what ifs tie you back, make you worry, make you sweat, then you will live a very boring, stressful, sweaty life. No one will want to be your friend.
You can never know the outcome of something until it’s all done and said.
Step outside of yourself and consider my point of view before you start making rash decisions, please.
Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. You’ll be fine.
A side note: I am my own person. I have dreams and goals and aspirations. I will not trade them for the world. Don’t you think for a second that any one person will take those things away from me, or that I would give them up for someone. I’m not stupid.
I will, however, alter the timing and location of said dreams/goals/aspirations if I see a need. Everything I want to accomplish in life is not tied to a location, time, day, person, ect. I can go to school anywhere, but I will study theatre and education. I can teach at any school, but I will continue to teach and I will continue to act. My job allows me to transfer anywhere in the world where there is an open position, but I’ll still process photos until I finish college.
If I can do all of these things, and still keep you in my life, then I see it as a win of a situation.
Yes, things will be difficult. Yes, there will be time where we’re apart. Yes, it might suck.
But nothing good comes easy, and things that come easy are never good.
Just some food for thought.
