“And there’s three-count ‘em, three children playing on the beach. They were eager to learn, to be taught, and to teach. There’s Veronica, and she biting her lip as she watches the waves turn white at the tip. There’s Veda, radiating with joy and luckily she still can’t stand the sight of a boy. Lastly there’s Dave, his hair is dancing in the wind and he’s wondering what love is and why it has to end. And he can’t understand how everyone goes on breathing when true love ends.
His mother whispers quietly, “Heaven’s not a place you go when you die, it’s that moment in life when you actually feel alive, so live for the moment. Take this advice, live by every word. Love is just a hoax, so forget everything you have heard. Live for the moment now.” ~ The Tide, The Spill Canvas
I have no idea why, but this song has been on repeat for the last week. Something lyrically speaks to me.
Later in the song, his mother tells him that love is completely real, but only after she realizes that she will never see her children again.
This brought a few things into perspective for me. I wish I could explain what I’m thinking, but it’s hard for me right now. I feel like all of these thoughts are attached to emotions and that they should be making some sort of sense. But they don’t.
On to different things.
Chris tells me that consistency is key to keeping up with a blog, that even if I have nothing to say, I should keep posting anyways. But why would I keep posting things, if I have nothing to say? That just seems like a waste of time for you and for me. But if I wait around for things to write about, it could take a week or more for a post, and surely everyone will have moved on to bigger and better things by then, unless I snatch the attention. Paradoxical.
I’m not a long term planner. I’m actually very last minute. Spontaneous, if you will. I guess this works decently on a day to day basis, but when you have your future to think about, spontaneity won’t work quite as well. Things take time and preparation and stuff.
So, while everyone is filling out college applications, I’m sleeping or eating or thinking about how I should be filling out those very same applications.
I really don’t want to go to college. I would much rather not. I, however, do not want to work a dead end, entry level job for the rest of my life. I suppose it a choice of one or the other.
It all goes back to planning and perspective. In twenty years, I will look back and kick my own ass for not going to college. So, while it seems like a good idea to indulge my selfish, lazy ideals now, I will hate myself later.
Debt, here I come.
