Kamikaze Airplanes

So, I’m thinking that I’m rather unfit for human interaction.

Everyone was pissing me off today. I was pissing everyone else off today.  A very dear, even tempered friend snapped at me today and it really hurt my feelings, not gonna lie. And one of my other good friends needs to drop off of the face of the earth because she is getting on EVERYONES nerves.

I’m just feeling rather unfit today. I can feel the glitch.

I suppose I should explain the terminology behind me.

A glitch is something that happens to my whole demeanor. Its this little demon that makes me an awful, judgmental person. I get cranky and rude and my sarcasm starts to show it’s ugly head. I’m short tempered and self deprecating. In my head, I’m fat and ugly and no one loves me. I’ve got this disgusting layer of  fat on my stomach and nasty, jiggly arms. My hair never looks okay, my lips are crooked. The only body part that I am ever satisfied with is my nose. I know all of this isn’t true, but it’s what my stupid brain is telling my conscious self.

But because I cannot love my self, I cannot love others.

Because I cannot love myself, I cannot accept love. In my mind I’m not worth it.

This is when I’m a disgusting person. This was today.

I just felt like garbage, really, and I took it out on everyone else.

So, I’m sorry for being a bitch. It’s genetic.

I swear it is, because I got chewed out today for no reason. Thanks, mom.

I just wish I could fly. I know this is crazy, coming from someone who is terrified of airplanes (I’m actually scared of everything, really).

“Kamikaze airplanes in the sky. Are we going down or will we fly? This could be a shipwreck on the shore, or we could sail away forever more. This time it’s sink or swim.” Tyrone Wells, Sink or Swim.