Nothing On You

I cry at the most inopportune moments, for the most random reasons.

I just cry a lot, I think.

So we’re sitting in the middle of Lit, listening to Nothing On You by B.O.B and it brought me back to this summer.

I remember that we were on the way to your house. It’s funny how I remember exactly what I was wearing, what you were wearing, where we were going, where we were coming from, everything.

We were on our way  back from Starbucks, because I had met you after you had gotten off of work. You were wearing the hat that I love. It was a million degrees in my truck and I couldn’t find a good song on my iPod. You plugged your iPod (which is really my iPod that I gave you because you destroyed your other one) and told me that we were going to listen to the playlist you made for me. And that song came on. I sang it at the top of my lungs and you were giving me crazy looks as we were flying 80 mph to your house.

And honestly, I haven’t thought about you or anything since the last day I saw you, which was two weeks ago. I locked off that part of my heart and threw away the key. But today…..today was different. After that, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Every thought, every word, was about you.

I miss you terribly. After feeling nothing for so long, this is awful. It’s like a punch in the stomach, it feels like my heart is slowly unraveling, like it’s falling apart. Something exploded in my mind, and I believe the shock has finally worn off.

This silly boy is trying to win my heart. If he only knew the shoes he has to fill. He truly has nothing on you. I can’t help but look at everyone and compare them to you.

I wish you would call. I wish you would never speak to me again. I wish I could know how you’re doing and if you miss me too. I almost hope that you’re feeling as miserable and useless I am, because then it would almost seem fair. But I want you to never think of me again, now. I want you to let go and not look back, because I think it’s easier that way. I don’t want you to be miserable. I don’t want you to need me like I need you, because needing someone is a painful and precarious thing.

I promised you the impossible and you believed me. The sad part is that I was returning the promise that you uttered first.