How Disney Warped My Mind

I was taking one of those Facebook surveys that your friends tag you in earlier today.

“Are you afraid of falling in love?

I had to stop and think a bit, because my first answer was yes. But that didn’t feel right. My answer:

“It’s complicated. Falling in love is easy. Making it work is hard. So, no I’m not scared of falling in love, I’m scared of everything falling apart.”

This is true, for me at least.

I blame Disney movies for my distorted view of love and relationships. If you start feeding a child that garbage, her young and malleable mind will soak it up, just like a curse word.

You can beat the curse words out of a child. You can’t beat the dreamer out of a child.

Every Disney movie has this princess/damsel in distress/tragic hero woman that falls in love. She will fall for the prince/rescuer/tragic hero man, and it will be some off the wall situation. Like, he has to kiss her to save her from an enchantment or find her shoes or something crazy. They fall in love, blah, happily ever after.  If you translate that to real life (or to any story, for that matter) it comes down to this.

A character wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.

This is the fundamental basis for any story, because without conflict, you have no story. Disney has got this down perfectly.

I want a bit more realism.

Yes, I understand it’s a children’s story. There will be magic, fairy god mothers, and all of that delightful stuff. Magical things will happen, whatever.

Does she really have to get the prince every single time? Do they really have to move into this beautiful house and have cartoon sex and no one gets pregnant? Is this necessary?

I would just like to see a story where the princess overcomes conflict only to fail. I know this is morbid and depressing, but this is what happens 99.9% of the time.

It’s not okay to stuff little girls hearts with the thoughts that all men are dashing, handsome, and will open doors. Love will not always be right or beautiful or true. It’s not okay to stuff little boys hearts with the thoughts that all women wake up beautiful in the morning, are always sweet and loving, and look great in  their size two ball gowns.

I watched The Little Mermaid the other day. And I cried. I cried because Ursula was going to steal her love away and keep him forever; things were looking terribly hopeless.

Then I realized that this happens every day. A prettier girl walks by and BAM! Your man is gone, fool. Now, I’ve never had this happen personally, but I know it does. I know that there are people out there who are as shallow as a puddle. Men and women.

In this situation, there will be no magic to bring him back. Unless it’s the magic of a boob job.

I say all of this to make my point. It’s really just for myself.

My point is that Disney made me a dreamer. Now they need to make me a realist.

I still don’t look good in ball gowns, and I’m a monster in the mornings.

Sorry, guys. I hate to ruin your idea of me.

AND! They always work out. Okay, so maybe you can fall in love with a guy who finds your other glass shoe. I’ll go for it.

But what happens when things don’t work. He’s a nympho and she’s a prude. Or maybe he bites his nails and she can’t stand it. Or he’s a compulsive liar who can never make up his mind about whether he loves her or not and keeps going back and forth until he finally just tears her heart into a million pieces? Disney just sucks with follow up. You never really get to see what happens after they fall in love. God forbid there be a Disney divorce or an affair. Or Disney baby mama drama.  Oh, no. It’s all kosher and fluffy.

Maybe Disney Divorce Court is a bit extreme, but would it kill them to make a decent, somewhat realistic movie?

There can be a happy ending even if she doesn’t get the man.

“If you work hard and never give up, you can achieve anything.”

That is garbage. Shit happens. You won’t always marry a man who can buy your dream restaurant. You won’t always fit in with your family. You won’t always get what you want.

So, maybe I should just stick to my books and erase most of my childhood.

But, my children will not watch Disney movies. Ever.