This is a circle. Not a vicious cycle. Just a circle.
We have gone in one big circle. And the result is still the same.
You are still leaving. I still love you. You still love me.
Different reasons, same ending.
Remember that story I was talking about? The one where I knew what was going to happen? Well, I have a confession.
I don’t know very much about anything it seems.
Despite the same temporary ending, the getting there has opened many doors.
Now I will bring your attention to a scene in Labyrinth, in which Sarah has to choose between two doors. One leads to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth, where her kidnapped brother is being held by the super sexy Goblin King, and the other door leads to certain death. The two guards are liars, deceivers, and cheats but Sarah does not know. She chooses a door, one that leads to certain death. As she falls to her doom, despair overtakes her. She is expecting to die at the bottom of a dark hole. Little does she know that Huggle, her grumpy and unlikely savior, knows a way out of the hole. Hope is soon restored.
I say all of that to say this:
Decisions have to be made with no knowledge of what is to come. Even when you feel as though you have made the correct decision, you can still fall down. The only hope that you can have is the thought that you will not give up, you will persevere, and things will work out. After all, there are no wrong decisions, some are just better than others.
So. A decision has been made. I feel decent about it. I’m not thrilled, of course, but I am not heartbroken.
After all, I trust you and I believe you when you say that I will see you again. I feel the truth of your words resonating through my heart.
Oh, the affairs of the heart. As much as I know this is right, I feel worlds different. There is a road block between my heart and my mind. Logically, I know things will work out. Emotionally, well….I’m a wreck.
I’m the sort of wreck that you stop to stare at and wonder how the hell it happened.
Oh, I miss you terribly. There is this sick scraping in my stomach, and I feel like I’m going to be ripped apart if I do not find a way to be near you. My throat is tight and scalding tears are falling freely. I never could have imagined something so awful as this. Reality is harsh. This reality is horrible. I wish so desperately that we could run far away, to some place where things were not so completely solid and gravity did not exist, because maybe then impossible things could happen. You would never leave, I would never run, and we could live beautifully, uninterrupted and at peace. But horror on Earth is real and it is every day. It is like a flower or like the sun; it can never be contained.
Solid things: Our love. Life. Death. Universe. Shitty parking in Atlanta.
These things will never disappear, alter, or become less of my reality.
Volatile things: You leaving (for however long). Time. Silence. Mentos and Coke.
These things scare the shit out of me because they are unpredictable; very prone to happening without warning, and unavoidable.
So all I know is that I love you. Things will work out.
