Sound

Maybe words are really just empty clumps of sound waves, traveling at massive speeds to ears that wish they held meaning. Over-complications and misinterpretations have taken these air compressions and made them into weights of the emotion. In short, I cannot take your words to heart anymore, because linking your words and my emotions is tearing this apart.

Such a little thing can worm it’s way into my head. A seed of doubt can take root quickly and take a firm hold in the earth of my mind.

Trust.

Insecurity.

Fear.

Abandonment.

I trust you with everything, it seems. Except with my heart.

Things that are said and things that are done are two different things.

Oh, not again.

It’s easy to fill a void with hopes but not to void out hopes.

I’ve worked so hard. Oh, so hard.

This is not really about you. This is all about me.

The things you’ve done are easy to forgive but not to forget. I’ve got to be careful, got to be safe, got to guard all that is important from you.

Because you have the power to tear me apart.

So, should I save myself now and cut all ties? It surely seems the safest thing to do, because you’ve only brought heartache until most recently.

This is my masochism, this is my self inflicted time bomb of pleasure then pain.

Insanity- the act of repeating the same action repeatedly with the expectation of a different outcome.

This is my mind, this is my dysfunction. I can feel so intensely. Love, anger, regret, abandonment. I can imagine everything under the sun and pull it to the moon.

This is what I’m diagnosed to do. This is what I’ve always done. This is borderline personality disorder at it’s best. Oh, yes. This is me.

So the question is this: Are the things I’m feeling rational, or just a product of an over active mind combined with an intense fear of abandonment?

Time will tell, and it’s ticking away.

I’m not quite sure how much time is left on the bomb.